News Tonight - Shoplifter Choplifter Shoppingmall [022220-02]

[Announcer] Welcome to News Tonight, here's your favorite host!!! [Talon] Welcome to tonights news, do you remember the shoplifter from last year? Last year a shoplifter became so rich from stealing from shops he bought four chinook helicopters and literally started lifting shops. Chaniqua, my favorite reporter who resembles a banana split with extra chocolate sauce has the inside scoop! Chaniqua? [Chaniqua] Yes I'm here at the scene you dame blanche without any chocolate sauce whose skin is lighter than sunlight on a sunny day. I mean you're so white you make KKK members hide in the shade out of shame from being mistaken as a nigga. Anyways, I'm here at the scene. Well, not actually, see the shoplifter, or should I say choplifter, had collected so many stores that he has opened up a mall at the border of our local city. [Talon] Well I'll be damned, anyways, please continue! [Chaniqua] I'm standing here at the new mall that opened today and I have to admit it's not looking too shabby. Yesterday he added a MacDonalds to complete the setting, and yes the same people are now at work here. Here's the local MacDonalds manager. [MacDonalds Manager] Hi, this morning I got confused, because the navigation system in my car on my way to work had new directions. But now I am pleased to announce that we have a grand opening of a MacDonalds at the border of our local city. [Talon] Thank you for that wonderful reporting Chaniqua, and there you have it people. New shopping mall, new MacDonalds, same buildings. After the commercials we will do a tour of the new shopping mall.

[Announcer] Have you ever tried the best cookies in the world? Sure you have, granny made them! Well, we here at SuperCookies went to all old folks homes across the world and have stolen their recipes to bring you the Ultimate Delight Cookies. You can order them online or find them at your local supermarket!!! [Asian Salesperson] Go to www.fookyoo.local/food/cookies and use Coupon Code FU10 for an additional 10% off. Why? Well, because Fook Yoo!!!

Reference Link: https://talonshumor.blogspot.com/2019/08/news-today-020819-01.html

(Written by: Rob van Loon... Yeah it's still me...)